Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Ive lived a life thats full, Ive traveled each and every highway, And more, much more than this..... WE DID IT OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR (very dirty) WAAAAY

So, it's been a while, we sit here now back in Bangkok readying ourselves for part dos of our gappie adventure.
But, alas alack alay, what has the last month held for us??? If you're wondering, that's quite convenient as we're about to tell you.

RIGHTYOUARE, we did indeeeeeeeeeed take the third class overnight train down to chumporn/chumpon either way. thai's like their porn. It was pretty glamorous. We had our own bench... well actually.... we didn't. We had to share our bench with some locals and made our way through the darkness and the bugs (mainly the bugs) daaaaaaan saaaf to the islands!
Arriveth we at 5am, looking our finest, to meet a bus and a boat all the way to Koh Tao whence we checked ourselves into Seashell Resort whencewhenceforth became our home for the next two weeks!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! woo.
we lovedlovedpassionatelylusted for Koh Tao and we made lots of friends (including meeting once more with olive's cousin Max and his fine ass other half, Becky). Many a free banana shake and pad thai ensued. On Koh Tao we rreally just chillaxed relaxed, acted all cool whilst shooting some meatball outside of the school....
we actually did.
Seashell became our home away from home and we made friends with all the staff and got free drinkies and were allowed to order off menu and generally be our grubby selves (and put off all their other customers). By afternoon (morning didn't really exist) livi basted herself on the beach until she returned to the bar, DRIPPING in sweat, ready for her cheese and coleslaw baguette(s). Rosa hates sunbathing.
By evening we watched movies (MILK probably our favorite.... though Bedtime stories was pretty special) over dinner and memorised exactly where played movies at what time. Cos that's how we roll fellas. THE NIGHT DID NOT END THERE, nononono (except sometimes it did....)
Oft, we would go to Crackers bar (actually called Choppers. We fondly nicknamed it.) and listened to the shocking Ozzie and Irish inhouse singers putting their own spin on such classics as "Toxic" and "Sweet Child of Mine". That crushed the spirit a little. But they did play all football games and make a killer Long Island Ice Tea so.... all was forgiven. Naturally.
Then (not that we got stuck in a routine or anything) we'd gather the troops (WE HAD FRIENDS!!! IT WAS AMAZING) and go to Lotus Bar for some really godawful music but some verver cool fireshows. Except when they set fire to people. But as long as it's not you.... it's rather entertaining....

Inbetweenst our two week jaunt in the Tao, we went to Koh Phangang. We took the boat out on the 11th and got the first boat back on the 12th. Nuff said about THAT.
Apparently that's not enough said. OLIVIA. fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. So we'd planned to go for a week but HATED it, though we conceed that we did the whole thing completely wrong by going and staying right in the middle of the main town which was like underground camden market + 40 degree heat + rabid dogs + no escape. And no redeeming features. It was grim. Really, really grim. Plus livi left her pasaporte. A master stroke on her part. SO WE WENT BACK HOME!!!!

NEXT UP..... our lovely little horrible journey from Koh Tao (place of the gods) to Koh Lanta (place of the.... trolls). This little island hop involved an overnight "boat" to the mainland. We, joyously, departed on a particularly rough day (the boat the night before had sunk) which guaranteed us a particularly green 10 hours. It was commented by one of our amigos (se llama Lee) that the boat had the engine of a lawnmower and the cabin resembled a convicts ship as all the paper thin, 5 centimetre wide, bedbug infested mattresses lay one next to the other. Personal space was sacrificed severely.

But, obviously, we made it (ipods and all) and then had the small matter of another bus, bus, bus, a few more buses and a boat until we reached rainy koh lanta whenceforth we met Mike Raynor and some fellow Londoners. We stayed at a place called Emerald Bungalows and, inbetween bouts of dengue fever, went slowly but surely mad. There was no escape. And we wanted escape.
But we did manage to get ourselves some of the biggest buckets (alcamahol) known to man!!! They were biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig. We did have lots of laughs here though - three to a bed, fashiontv, AIR CON-BLOODY-DITIONING, drinking games et al. So all wasn't even remotely lost!

SO some more bus,bus,few more buses, overnight bus, taxi later we arrived back in bangkok and fell back into our old cinema-subway routine!!! Though yesterday we went with some others from the guesthouse to Khaosan road and did a very teensy bit of shopping. But then watched X-men: The Origins which was WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKED.

And now we departeth for Ozzie land and boy oh boy are we excited for a new country!!! Equally cannae believe that our time in thighland has ended and we're already half way through our trip. (we really miss school. CLC not NLC!)

Anyway, we will keep this updated more regularly (but don't hold us to it)

We shalt love you and leave you as we look forward to nights without the sweats and mornings without the shits,

Livi and Rosa

Friday, 3 April 2009

Chianging the Mai and Banging the Cock

how are you all?????
we're shvitzing. as per usual.

The story continues as we enter our final hours in the cockiest bang around.
We feel for today, a new approach to our storytelling should be tried and tested. We're thinking a Q&A session....

So, Olivia and Rosa, what did you think of Chiang Mai?

Rrrrriiiiggght..... care to elaborate.... your mothers are reading this afterall (and as they remind you so often, they brought you into this world, they can take you out....)?
Fine. It has no SOUL. Each street looks the same. Except for 'slut-street' where all the prostitutes scream and try to entice you into their brothels (apparently they're just bars.... but who calls their bar '69' and has ladies of the night splayed out across it's entrance????). Needless to say it did nothing to improve our opinions of Chiang Mai. We did find one nice bar... called THC. Which really says it all. It was on the roof and was vehery hippyish and sold buckets of orange vomity stuff which tasted like.... orange vomity stuff. we LOVED IT.
and we also loved the falafel shop.
and we ALSO loved olivia's cousin. who brought her clothes. and saved us from the awfulness of Chiang Mai.
We salute him.
BUT we did stay at quite a nice place. we had a tv and spent many an afternoon watching one shockingly awful movie that we never knew existed. (we also spent many an afternoon sleeping.)

Productive. How did you make your way to Bangkok then ladiez?
BY AN OVERNIGHT COACH with velvety seats and free doughnuts! It really wasn't half as bad as we'd prepared ourselves for. Rosa even managed to take up three seats which was nice and cozy, although drew some confused looks from the Thai army soldier (who come on at every checkpoint to look at IDs). But it did produce a sleepless night. And 3 doughnuts weren't nearly enough.

And then?
We were in Bangkok. Obviously.
Although we got very lost in Bangkok very early in the morning as we couldn't find our darned hostel. And we were very tired. And hungry. And thirsty. And generally not lookin' our best. Olive got left with the baggies up a thai alleyway whilst Rosa scowered the streets and did her best impression of Dr Mark Sloane/Inspector Tom Barnaby/Inspector Gadget and found the hostel in about an hour. Considering it was about 10 meters away..... it was fine work.

So.... Bangkok.... Hell's Kitchen??? Paradise Lost??? Wotsit like?
WELL, we were prepared to hate it. But we don't. Although last night's walk back dodging rats and cockroaches did nearly dent our spirit.
It's insane.
The roads are motorways and the shopping centers are cities. We decided to be incredibly adventurous on our first day and walked ALL THE WAY to the park. and sat down. But then we went to the shopping area via Bangkoks version of Fifth Avenue (an accident we might add) which was pretty surreal given the poverty stricken state of Thailand that we had so far experienced. Anyhoo, we spent hours traipsing/trampsing, half asleep, around miles and miles of shopping centres... gazing into the windows of Chanel and every single shop advertised in Vogue ever. We looked completely out of place. HAVE YOU SEEN OLIVIA'S LEGS?????
But we have experienced a Bangcockian cinema which are really on a different level. The size of the cinema screen was like a football pitch. Fo shizzle. And you have to stand up before the movie to watch a piece of shameless propaganda promoting the king. Don't worry. We made it obvious we weren't happy about this and sighed, crossed our arms and burped all the way through the 'orrible video montage.

What's next for you gorgeous, charming, charismatic, adventurous.... if a little sweaty.... girls?
SANGRIA! although.... neither of us are sure if we've ever had sangria.... but it seems fitting?
So... pray for us... as tonight we get an overnight train to either Champoon or Champorn... possibly Champon.... probably Chamtampon.... travelling third class, arriving at 3am tomorrow morning.
It's not like we did this on purpose.... we set out trying to get 2nd class sleeper seats on the 22.50 train.... we even decided we wanted a lower berth (whatever that is). somehow two very bemused north london girls walked out of the station with two 3rd class seats on the 19.30 train.

but it'll make for quite a story.... we hope...
we're thinking a bit of Hong Thong will assist our journey. that's whiskey. we'll let you know how it goes... IF WE LIVE TO TELL THE TALE.

So... we must go and be violated. robbed. diseased. arsoned. and generally mingle with the poor.
it's like your average day in heaven.

lots and lots of love,
Olivia and Rosa

(p.s. Lily Aaronovitch - never, EVER go to bangkok. it's the sort of place that you would find so utterly hellish you cannot even comprehend it. trust us.)
(p.p.s. Nickie Williamson, you'll LOVE IT)


that's the only thai word we know. it means annoying.
not that we ever get called that or anything....

this is just a quickie from bangcock (oh wow) to say we've put lots more photos up - remiembre -

although no noodles OR rice has been had in a WHOLE WIDE WEEK! we actually came off it too quickly and experienced some resulting toiletry issues. don't worry, we'll go into graphic detail later.

anyway bangcock is nuts (again, oh wow) SO MORE ON THAT LATER!

love you all

(especially peevish mcduff whose birthday it was yesterday. she's 9 years old!!!)

Saturday, 28 March 2009

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu, adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and diddle doo diddle do doodoo.....

So now we've googled all Sound of Music lyrics....

I wonder if you knew we were here.... probably not.... but possibly maybe.... we're travellers doncha know. we could go anywhere we choose.

So, what have these crazy gap year tragedies been up to? THE ANSWER: loads. Which on the one hand is GREAT, but absolutely arse paining as we have to write it all out for you muggles (just watched harry potter. oh yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhh)

In the last month there has been lots of exams, a motorcycle crash (nothing to do with us) lots of graduation parties (well... one), a very drunken Kozue, lots of hanging out, lots of tears (olivia...), lots of laughs and a LOT of goodbyes. And a six hour bus ride. And the odd tattoo....
Oh and a thai communist nightclub.

We want to keep this post within a reasonable length, we are lazy. We did wake up at 2pm today an proceed to congratulate ourselves on doing so and then have a fit when harry potter was on. IT WASN'T EVEN DUBBED GUYS.

So around abouts 2 weeks in the past, there were exams and a very uneasy feeling of tension that took us both back to our exam taking days which we had hoped were so firmly in the past. Exam week FLEW by.... possibly because we did absolutely NOTHING. But a fun sorta nothing. Not the sorta nothing that drags on and on.... and on and on... and then on. And then some more.

Un petit drama happened when 3 of the students were involved in a motorcyclin' crash and the other party ended up in hospital (oh hospital... we know it well....). The boys had run from the scene (a biiiiiiiiiiiiiit of a no-no in thighland) as only 1 of them had a thai ID card as the others were from camp. Consequentially (ooooh long word) the 2 not-so-happy campers spent a few nights in jail and we were really upset as we thought we may never see them again because often the thai police just lock 'em up for days and weeks and months and days. BUT WE DID. keep your knickers on.

The following week was pahooosibly the funnest and the saddest. Especialmente for Emmett who was leaving after 2 years at the school. After a really fun graduation party on the Sunday (22nd) we followed Kozue's exceptional lead and had many a alcoholic beverage and stormtroopered the boys' rooms for a night of absolute awesomeness and merriment. The photos will provide the evidence. Oh and olivia made friendship bracelets for everyone which took approximately days and days and half of them are already lost (apparently only two....BAH!) They were....pretty? Olivia got one from Bosco which made her little life complete. (Dear Ed, olivia's boobs have grown. You're welcome. Love Rosa.)

Then we did a lot of things for the last time.... last waterfall, last movie night, last rice-eating (THANK YOU BUDDHA - look how culturally aware we are. it's a beautiful thing. unlike us.)
... last everything! It was so sad. We also had our last sup at Salween and took along two of the students to experience their first burger!!! It was a sight to be seen and we educated them in ketchup application. Ahhhhh good times....

If you're eating breakfast then look away.... actually don't because we really want some breakfast and thusly we really envy you and therefore hope that you proceed to vomit everywhere at the following..... que/queue/quuuee/kew/CYUE\\\ GOT IT - CUE serious gap year tragedy moment....
We feel really lucky to have made such amazing friends aand to have had such an interesting and fun-filled time in Nai Soi and we're going to miss it lots and lots and then a little bit more.
Though our time flew by and it seems like we've only just got off the plane.... we also feel like it was our home! We're going to miss Otto. Which, honestly, we weren't sure we would at the beginning.... SORRY OTTIE BABY.

Our last hurrah was our tattoos which are, in our humble opinions (and we are now so very, very humble. it would be hard to find ones so humbled as us.) TOTALLY AWESOME DUUUUUDE.
Rosa got the Thai kings face tattooed onto her back. It's ironic. (But don't ask me what his name is.... - Rosa) whilst olivia settled for the less ironic baby cockroach that now nestles in her cleavage. Tasteful.

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS, we took the 6 heure bus ride from Mae Hong Son (oh....memories...) to Chiang Mai which was preeeeeetty turbulent as it was the most twisty, windy road through the jungle. But we got through it with the aid of about 7 chuppa-chups each (lime flavour is a must-try....sarsly.)

Al momento, we are uploading lots of photos which is proving rather time consuming but we will tell you of our Chiang Mai adventures whence we have had the time to have any!
(although small taster - we went to a thai communist nightclub..... let your imaginations ROAM)

All our much less constipated and slightly cleaner love,

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

A tad fragile.....

OH THE NEGLECT the blog has experienced. This sounds like we care. We don't.... maybe we should..... yet.... we don't. Such is the cruel life of Burmese refugees.
So, we hear you think, what have these crazy ladies been up to in the past.... 2 weeks??? 2 weeks and a day????
WELL FOLKS, we didn't get murdered. In fact, no one else got murdered and de-intestined. As far as we know. And we would know. We're the eyes and ears of this jungle.

A long, long time ago in a land far far away (and much hotter than where you are)...
HOKAI, so..... in a time long, long ago (on a weekend before the 3rd of March. the one closest to then. not just ANY old weekend before the 3rd of March)
SO, a long long time ago, we went into Mae Hong Son for the weekend. Standardly.
We wandered, we meandered, we trawled, we traipsed and generally walked everywhere very, very slowly. BUT we ate. OH BOY did we eat.
After an apple overload, we hit up the 7/11 (really a 24/7... which is a shop. it has airconditioning and pepsi-max. lots and lots of wonderous pepsi max)
Here we decided to be a lil' adventurous with our dinner and proceeded to purchase several vanilla yoghurts and several packets of cereal (consisting offfff Corn Flakes, Frosties and Choco Crisps). Our plan being to mix said ingredients in a location of our chosing. Which we did. Although our location was not really one fit for us queens and we ended up munching next to some rabid dogs on a bench by a lake. As if we didn't get enough odd looks before.....

Thehehehehen, the following dia. It be sunday, we did..... bugger all really. That we can remember of. Probably stole some things. Shot some people. The norm.
ALTHOUGH we did go to Salween (you know, the restaurant. The one with the blind dog and the bread????) and had our baked sweet patatas that we had been yearning for. A treat followed by... probably not so much a treat as a punishment... the Carling Cup Final. Oh yes people. We followed the mighty Spurs as they went to Wembley (wemberleyyyyy - wemberleyyyyyyy - we're the mighty tottenhamhotspur and we're going to wemberleyyyyy). No input from Ed required or Rosa (Heyyyyy) will proceed to make sure Olivia finds a really amazingly fit and buff Australian surfer. YA GET ME.
After much knee biting and muttered swear words, we headed back to our crib (yee blad). It was 1.00am. WAHEY past our bedtime.

A long, long time ago that followed the last one. So a slightly less long, long time ago...

Another week at school.
Taught some lessons. Stole some things. Shot some people. Had a power cut for a few days, the main result of which was that we went to bed horrifically early....
HOWEVER, we do feel we should inform you of some of our pupils. They all hold a special place in our hearts.... just some more than others. Ain't ya ever heard of teachers pets?

So. Let us begin. We're not sure where to begin. For these are love stories so rare.
But we will try, in the crudest way possible.

Best friend (sometimes a bit more): Beh Reh
Lover: Bosco (Olive), Similai (Rosa)
Husband and father of children: Leudu.

And we decided La Aung can be our neighbour. Who we will bake with. And will fix things for us. Possibly do the shopping every now and then and probably cut our hair. Obviously.

These revelations of the hearts have put somewhat of a strain on our "professional" approach to teaching and we can think of no better way to illustrate this than with a short tale of... humiliation and love.... the two oft seem to go hand in hand wouldn't you agreeeee...

Bosco was in Camp at hospital. He is short by the way. VEHERY short. But, to be fair, TOTALLY RIPPED. And very cool. But so's Similai. And he's taller. And they both spit very loudly.... it's the "done thing".. this fact makes it no less disgusting however.
But ANYWAY, Bosco jumped off a bike and so was in hospital whereupon when Livi was teaching her Class 2 lesson, she was asked "Teacher, do you miss Bosco?". The answer was yes. But they are SO onto her. Which is not altogether that suprising.... given the aforementioned teachers behaviour, LET'S BE HONEST.

So that week of a long, long time ago which also happened to be last week, just flew by in a blur of candles and classroom games.... which is ver VER VER sad as our play of love, courage and bravery approaches it's final act.....

Last weekend
We walked up a mountain with Naw-Naw. We love him. But he doesn't make the cut for our love story.... more of a Quasi-Modo. We want more of a King Tritan.
It was very steep. It was very hot. And we found it suprising how one never considers the "going down" part which, incidentally, usually turns out to be the hardest part. We feared certain death. Thankfully certain death feared us more.
Next we jetted ourselves into Mae to the Hong to the Son whereupon we recieved OUR PARCELS!!!! It was like christmas only better. All jokes aside, best day of our lives (except for all the other days which were better.)
We inhaled our sweets. This made us feel very ill and very fat. We didn't care.
Then it was time for......drum roll please.... ROSA'S BI-WEEKLY SHOWER!!!!
(Olivia- which is FUCKING gross considering she goes for runs EVERY MORNING. plus a bout of aerobics AND....its hot here. AND we share a bed. I think i have said enough.)
(Rosa - Now is not a time to be precious. Or, seemingly, clean.)
And so we trotted off to Janis's (aka Otto) birthday parrrrrrrrrrrty which was just of the hook. There was a harmonica.
(and also the Sunderland vs Spurs game) Returneth we to school after said festivities with a VERY drunken Boris. We took advantage of his state by drawing all over his face. Main focus on the eyebrows. We figured this would be the hardest to remove when said drunkeness had worn off. We WILL BE VICTORIOUS. Like Queen Victoria. She hated the French too. Though don't quote us. DrunkBoris also decided it would be tres amusant to scare the bejeebies out of us by sneaking into our room in the dead of night which inspired a lot of screaming and the near collapse of our trusted mosquito net.
Once more, we declare, WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS. And plans for a most terrifying revenge are already in motion (in our heads. Suggestions appreciated. Dead snakes already thought of.)

So Sunday. The day of rest. But since when have we done things by the book??
Good news and bad news. Teacher Boris left (hooray) and took his oranges (boo). Very mean spirited.
We had a littttttttle mishap involving our motorcyle. But we are both fine. We repeat parents: we are both fine.
Except for the HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE gash up olive's leg and rosa's inability to sit down. The biggest problem is the sheer humiliation we experienced upon our return to school. All the students had heard and proceeded to mimic our falling action (rosa's wasn't exactly the most graceful nor the most ladylike). A mocking that continues and is set to continue until we wave farewell to the little shits. Emmett also got the runs that day. Ha.

So ladies, gentlemen and those who are still deciding, what is happening at the momento.
Well this week is revision week as exams are next week. Exams are followed by graduation on the 22nd which is the end of school!!!! We're going to be so so sad to leave everyone so we're trying not to think about that too much at present and spend as much time with everyone as possible. Then WHO KNOWS what the future holds...
actually, we do. So there.
Our previous plans to teach Huay Pu Keng for a month have some what afllen through due to the pupils COMPLETE lack of wanting to be taught. and the fact that it's their summer holidays. So we shall frequent their little village for a week of fun, games, no electricity, no food, certain death and sweltering heat. Oh, and mosquitos. Lots and lots of them.

Hope all's well in Blighty.... could we PERLEASE have some more comments?
At least pretend you love us.
(note to Rosa's family - I will excuse you from comment leaving if you are to start up my allowance again. Only then would any lack of commenting be accepted.)

LOTS OF still constipqted love:::::: oh rubbish ive done so,ething to this co,piuter:::::: OH NQQQQQQQQQOOOO/
i szeqr i q, typing this qll correctly::::::::


Sunday, 1 March 2009

Nai Soi Porn.

Hello all.

As promised, although slightly/rather/VERY late. HERE ARE OUR PHOTOS.

Go to for a full on visual and sensual experience of our travels so far.


we dare ya!


Tuesday, 24 February 2009

Murder, we write.

Where do we begin.....
And he be not just ANY moiderer. He is a girl slaying, intestinal eating, police evading kind of a murderer.
We now realise we may have alarmed the elders amongst us (sarah powell hits the big 5-2 this year after all....HI MUMMY... never looked better..)
So we will proceed with our little story telling...
Here we sit, trembling in our flip flops not knowing when, but knowing EXACTLY how, we will meet our bloody, gruesome end. It's rather exciting really.
OTHER NEWS on our long, exhausting agenda... let us once more begin at the beginning (of last week. DER.)

Friday of Yorn (23rd)
We woke up, rats a squeaking, pupils a spitting, rice a waiting. OH HARK! what is this we hear?!
It is the definate and unmistakable sound of a childs scream. We weren't quite sure how to react... turn up the ol' ipod....? assume, with glee, that lessons have been cancelled due to a death amongst pupils...? (that's not funny. people are dying through intestinal ravaging as we type)
MORE SLAUGHTER. but, regrettably, not of children. it was of some pigs. that was nice.... although we didn't even get any fucking pork for dinner. what the....'ell?
OH and on this friday of yornish pig death, we had another cinematic experience akin to the friday of double yorn... this time we got Quantum of Solace. In our humble opinions, it was a decent action movie but we spasmed over the one single shot of London, rain and council estates falling heavy and standing tall and were oh-so proud (we really were...actually...sarcasm aside) to show off our city to the kiddies who seemed LESS that impressed. it was sad.
OH AND BEFORE WE FORGET... Rosa woke up with rrrrrrather iffy movement of the old bowelies (sphinxy wasn't being kind mummy/tommy - rosa) which ended up on my (olive-groves) foot mid plunge.
------Interjection from the culprit: REALLY, it was both of our faults the loo got blocked whilst simultaneously being NEITHER of our faults as we are not responsible for what goes IN our bowelies and therefore not responsible of what comes OUT our bowelies. I do know one thing however, the smell could have killed an army of Spartans, LOVE ROSA.
-------Interjection from the plunger: (olivia) I had to PLUNGE the loo/hole/cesssssssspit? sessspit?seespit?ceasepit? whatever...whilst rosa enjoyed her leisurely morning run. GOD KNOWS why i agreed to that! LOVE LIVI.

The weekend.... probably still of yorn. (Note to self/selfs: find out what 'yorn' means.)
We, once more, spent the weekend bikeless which really isn't Rosa's fault at all. We hasten to add it's mainly teacher Boris's fault for being such a monumentally scheizer motorcylin' teacher...... let's rewind a little shall we....
It was a boiling hot jungly afternoon.... perhaps around the hour of lunch... although upon consideration we're pretty sure it was around the hour of 4.35pm when 'the lesson' commenced.

The ingredients were as follows:
One Rosa-sized Rosa
One silly assed French croissant under the name Boris
One blue, rather dusty though undoubtedly sexy motorcyle
One TIGHTROPE of a road flanked on either side by a sharp ditch into a rice field
One heaped tablespoon of dirt
Several grams of intrigued on-lookers
Handful of rice field

And here you have a disaster in the making. So yeah.... in Boris's words... "She. Is. Not. Ready."

SO, the motorbikeless weekend. Dans le weekend (we're brushing up on our francais, oh mais oui, le poop de shoop) we chillaxified our bahoottoms off on saturday at school (oh christ almighty, jesus be our witness, WE WERE BORED) before hitchin' a ride into PARTY CENTRAL of mae hong son.
We had shower number one of the week. It was pretty special. Then we headed for a drinkypoos (Olivia had a gin&tonic. Rosa had a martini bianco. Cos that's how we roll) and some non-ricey food for dinner!!!!!!
We manged at the aforementioned restaurant je m'appelle Salween? whence we also watched Aston Villa vs Chelsea. It was like a little slice of footballing heaven... the greeness of the freshly watered turf.....mmmmmmmm delectable.
We also met up with Emmett and Janis/OttoTheFinn at the restaurant and had some nice old bantaaaaar. Towards the end of the eve we also had the delight of some company of the Yorkshire kind (Olivia- oh mommy you wouldn't have been proud of your roots....HE.WAS.INSANE. infact....HE may be the murderer. I wouldnt be surprised.) (Rosa- apparently yorkshire is in England. I mean... what on earth?)
To cut a boring story shorter...a few angered awkward silences later we scarpered... he didn't take kindly to any 'dyslexia: the disease of the middle classes' jokes so subtly interjected into conversation by... us. OOPSSSSIES.

Vendredi? Samedi...... DIMANCHE (of yorn....obviarsely)
We went to a naming ceremony of a baby which was a month old. And NO before you get all annoying and ask: we can't tell you the name. It's a secret. (We have absoluuuuutely no idea what it was. But we think it was a girl.) The baby was a niece of a girl in Class 1. Her name is Angeline.
NEXT we went to a 'national park' saw some shitty animals living in shittier conditions. It was a bit....shitty.
This was rather swiftly followed by a trip to the wateryfall where we swam, had some larks, got bitten. Mainly the 'got bitten' part. BASTARDS. Yeah.... that was about it.....

Check out the photos lovepuppies.

(OH but we did change Boris's facebook language to pirate which wasn't nearly as funny as we'd hoped. Shame that.)

Lots of sweaty, constipated love and riced-up cuddles,
Rosa and Livi
(xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx - those are from olivia. Rosa HATES YOU ALL.)

BUSINESS DECISION - PHOTOS TO GO ON FLICKR.... link to be posted shortly....

Friday, 20 February 2009

Joint Effort.

This is just a quickie to tell you all that the last post/s were a joint effort from both ME AND ROSA!

so F.YOU mom and dad!

that is all.

much loving,

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Nai Soi.... middlings?

The week (9th - 13th)
Monday was a big holiday in thighland and there was a local partay in Nai Soi which we attended with the students and other teachers which was lots of fun but also FREAKING scary. Most people there had never seen a white person so we were stared at/photographed/evilled/smiled at.... the works....for the whole night. There were endless stands of food (some of it not so lovely looking) and a stage where it appeared a dancing/singing talent competition was taking place amongst the local youth. Some very odd (and rather revealing) outfit choices were made and there was some very camp male dancers. This was ver ver funny and we had a grand old time!
The week was spent teaching and chillaxing ASIDE from our leeeeetle hospital trip on tuesday. Another to add to Olivia's worldly collection of hospital experiences.... we managed to navigate our way around and everything was swiftly sorted! We then needed to be taken back to school so spent the afternoon with at the local juvenile court where Emmett (aka 'teacher helmet') was teaching for the afternoon. We stayed with him and had a barbeque with the local criminals who have an undying love of karaoke and, seemingly, westlife.
On Friday night Emmett also set up a small cinema in one of the classrooms where the remaining students and us lovely teachers (and Otto the Finn, who is actually a big, galumpfing Swede really called Yannis) watched Slumdog Millionaire and got fed banana pancakes. We dig.
Le Weekend
Hit up some shnooker with Boris, some student and beer. (OH AND OLIVIA fell to the disease of the stomach first). Rosa was very good at aiding her and her vomit at 1am.
We also went swimming (fully clothed) in the waterfall near by which was fun aaaaand we'll show you pictures.
There's lots of other random things.... we haven't even nearly started covering everything. Most notably the ridiculous and endlessly entertaining existence of Teacher Bob. Really.... he says the strangest things.
WE PROMISE TO BLOG MORE REGULARLY FROM NOW ON, but feel you are satisfactorily up to date!!
Lots and lots of love to you all,
Livi and Rosa
p.p.s FOODWISE, we get all our food brought up to the teacher table outside our room... verhery convenient... 3 times a day. BUT WE SWEAR TO GOD WE DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH MORE RICE WE CAN TAKE. death by rice. poirot would have an easy time working that out. Although, something that seems to be eating tasty food is the ARSE-RATTING MOSQUITOS which are killing us slowly but surely.
Very slowly.
Very surely.
Words can't cover our hatred.....THE BRUTES.

Nai Soi beginnings

Thursday 5th February
We started teaching!!! We had two lessons each - conveniently in the afternoon! So we slept.... looooads. They have school 'activities' on thursday afternoons which consists of all the students being dragged out into the 3 o'clock heat and made to do aerobics. Which, of coooourse, we joined in on!! it was insane!! The music was so loud on these massive speakers... I don't think aerobics (you know, given my vast experience) will be the same ever again....
Having thought about it, we alsoA believe this was the day of our very first shower since leaving our North London homes. Which is a bit....smelly. And when we say shower we really mean a bucket of cold water over our heads. a pleasant experience we think you will all agree.
The weekend
We met up with Beryl and Steve again and went to a small town just outside of the main refugee camp called Section 19 (ominous no?) where we all had a little group of students to talk to. Oivia had a great time chatting to kids who could speak some English. I had a somewhat different and more depressing experience with about 10 boys none who spoke a word. It was horrible. We also decided that normal rice is pointless, sticky rice is the only way to go!!! We had to stand and pose with students for about a hundred billion photos-us both being pale with fair hair meant we were a popular attraction and they asked us lots of questions about Engerland and couldn't grasp the concept of snow.... which only rubbed it in that we'd missed the best snow EVER. Ugh.
In other news, a boy from school took me (rosalie) to aerobics in the local town (Nai Soi) which was also bizarre and as we walked there he talked about his life (he's from burma and lost both his parents when he was a baby) and the class was in an alley and the teacher got two mahoosive speakers (sarah powell height i.e. 5ft2 AND A HALF) and pumped thai dance music. I have now come to the painful conclusion that they play a grand total of TWO songs on repeat. Every sodding time. But it's fun to see the local women out in their t-shirts and cycling shorts. We also sat around and chatted with the students into the night - one of them sung us burmese songs on his guitar and they were really beautiful (though some do sound a tad like he's dying a slow and painful death).
Olive (who sits beside me as I type for she is an delinquent) adopted a hideous little dog, now called Whiskey (it's not hideous it's just flea-ridden - olive). Teacher Bar Bar named him (Boris) as there was whiskey being drunk.

OH and I (being rosa) did my bestest to watch the spurs vs arsenal game via internet streaming. I got the broad picture and thought the Lilywhites did themselves proud, if only Pav, if only. I also celebrated the return of the mighty Keano. It was SPECIAL. I'm not sure olivia was quite as moved.

Mae Hong Son to Nai Soi

2nd February
Again after a grand total of 3 (max) hours sleep we headed off bright and early to visit various Karenni villages where the refugees have relocated. Before we could go anywhere we had to pay a visit to the local governor man to sort out all our passports and sign some very dodgy forms and give finger prints! allowing us to visit the camps without being SLAUGHTERED. They also kept asking us what our names meant, olivia was an olive, rosa was a rose.... we then asked the lady officials name. Her name was 'Oi'. We found self restraint very difficult.
And then, off we plopped...
Onto the serious stuff - there are 3 different tribes; Kayaw (who have massive holes in their ears), Karen (who wear big broze rings up their necks) and the Kayan (who wear rings round their knees. it looks most odd.) It was very hot and hence, we were very hot. First up was Huay Pu Keng and we got to go on a little, very unstable looking, boat across a river to get there - this is where we're going to teach next.
We also visited another small village on the way back where a refugee lady (Malo) who had taken off her neck rings was setting up another village. The difference with her village is that it's not aimed at tourists which is very unusual - her philosophy is that people work for what they have and we spent a few hours helping her around her museum, labelling fish-catchers and bamboo capes for the rainy season.
We didn't get back to KSDP until about 5ish, hoping, PRAYING, to be able to go to sleep but alas no. We went out to dinner with Beryl and Steve at our faaaavorite restaurant here owned by a nice Karenni refugee with an eyeless dog. They do sweet potato chips so we were won over instantly (and they have baked beans AND they are practically the only place that makes bread. we love them.)

3rd February
WORST.NIGHT.EVER. No exaggeration. It was horrid. We shudder at the memory. We slept on/off for about 2 hours and then could not get back to sleep from 1am (olive read the whole twilight book in one night) only to have to get up at 9am. Again. We tried to remedy this by going on a 8am diet coke run (caffeine don't ya know) and got some very bizarre looks from people on their way to work...
We visited Stephanie Lee's grave in the morrow which was a bit overwhelming and then took a peek into Ban Nai Soi CLC (OUR SCHOOOL!!! we're there RIGHT NOW.)
After being herded around the WHOLE of the Karenni camps by a rather excitable Beryl we were pooped and just wanted to chillax for a while so we ESCAPED and went for a wonder of our own around the town of Mae Hong Son. After sampling the wholewheat spinach bagels of Mae Hong Son we found ourselves in the one bar- Crossroads. It was rockin'.
OH YEAH and brad and angelina were in town. Pretttttttty, pretttttttty cool.

4th February
Finally all the touring was over and we got to settle down at school and learn how everything works....
We have our own little room next to the french volunteer (Boris aka Bob, Bar Bar, ass-face, pretty-ass-face, gay, croissant... you get the general abusive idea) and a shared porch where all the teachers (us lovely ladies, boris, emmett and his girlfriend kozue) hang and work and eat our meals. The students always come up and say hi and chat to us to improve their anglais.
On our very first day we had to jump in the deep end and teach a lesson (on body parts...) to the lowest level class. At this school, there are 3 classes that are based on ability, not age and they have lessons every hour between 9am and 4pm (lunch between 12 and 1).
Some of (most) the students are older than us... they don't let us forget it.... in class 3 there is a 34 year old. But we like her. It feels a bit odd telling her what to do.... But we kinda like it! All the students refer to us as 'teacher' although we're trying really hard to get them to stop and just call us by our names.
In Thighland the education system is only available to those with a Thai ID Card and nearly all of the Burmese refugees have been refused these...for obvious reasons, ie.they aren't Thai! Anyway....schooling in Thighland is very strict- the students dont speak unless asked a question. they themselves are not allowed to ask questions and especially in English lessons it's pretty much just copying things off the board-BORING!
At our school this isnt the case.. its relaxed and very very fun. We are teaching the Burmese refugee children who arent allowed to be educated fully in Thai schools.

London to Mae Hong Son

Hey..... readers, friends, followers, fans, wives, daughters, presidents, aliens et al.
It's olive and rosemary all the way from SWELTERING thailand....burma....BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE.
As you all know, we left on the 30th and WOWZAH has our lives been MENTAL.
So we'll begin at the beginning and end at... now. (which hopefully isn't the end of our lives)

30th January
We got on a plane, watched sisterhood of the travelling pants 2, cried at plane letters (SOME more than others OLIVIA) and didn't sleep a wink (SOME slept a bit OLIVIA). Got to Bangcock the next day at 4ish in the afternoon and had an hour or two before the next plane to chiang mai.

31st-1st February
When we got there we went to our hostel (minicost, 17poonds for the both of us....oh yeaaaah)
Chiang Mai looked cool (we saw a Boots and several Starbucks!) although crossing the road was tricky.... one particular road took us appppproximately half an hour to cross. It was embarassing. And we were severely jet lagged and managed about an hours sleep that night, thank goodness they had English movies. It was 101 Dalmations. The movie.
And it does also seem to be the home of the 'buy a thai bride' which was incredibly disturbing.
And we plan to go back soon!

1st February
We managed our only sleeping between the hours of 7am to 11am and then got up to catch our final flight to our home - Mae Hong Son where we were greeted by Beryl and Steve 35 minutes after taking off. We spent the evening exploring the town and the night market, got some chicken, ate some fish and spent our first night in the KSDP headquarters where we have a little house and keep most of our stooff. we say house...we mean a room. and a bathroom. and it's not really's the cockroaches. (I SLEPT WITH ONE OF THE BASTARDS buuuut I KILLED IT TOO. it's still there. i'm not bloody touching it. and apparently olivia's being a big baby and not touching it either - rosa)
There is a lady called Bridget who lives at the headquarters permanently and she teaches in the refugee camps and around and about, there are also two refugees who live there (Macey and Sharpeh) so we hang abouts with them when we're there.