Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Ive lived a life thats full, Ive traveled each and every highway, And more, much more than this..... WE DID IT OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUR (very dirty) WAAAAY

So, it's been a while, we sit here now back in Bangkok readying ourselves for part dos of our gappie adventure.
But, alas alack alay, what has the last month held for us??? If you're wondering, that's quite convenient as we're about to tell you.

RIGHTYOUARE, we did indeeeeeeeeeed take the third class overnight train down to chumporn/chumpon either way. thai's like their porn. It was pretty glamorous. We had our own bench... well actually.... we didn't. We had to share our bench with some locals and made our way through the darkness and the bugs (mainly the bugs) daaaaaaan saaaf to the islands!
Arriveth we at 5am, looking our finest, to meet a bus and a boat all the way to Koh Tao whence we checked ourselves into Seashell Resort whencewhenceforth became our home for the next two weeks!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!! woo.
we lovedlovedpassionatelylusted for Koh Tao and we made lots of friends (including meeting once more with olive's cousin Max and his fine ass other half, Becky). Many a free banana shake and pad thai ensued. On Koh Tao we rreally just chillaxed relaxed, acted all cool whilst shooting some meatball outside of the school....
we actually did.
Seashell became our home away from home and we made friends with all the staff and got free drinkies and were allowed to order off menu and generally be our grubby selves (and put off all their other customers). By afternoon (morning didn't really exist) livi basted herself on the beach until she returned to the bar, DRIPPING in sweat, ready for her cheese and coleslaw baguette(s). Rosa hates sunbathing.
By evening we watched movies (MILK probably our favorite.... though Bedtime stories was pretty special) over dinner and memorised exactly where played movies at what time. Cos that's how we roll fellas. THE NIGHT DID NOT END THERE, nononono (except sometimes it did....)
Oft, we would go to Crackers bar (actually called Choppers. We fondly nicknamed it.) and listened to the shocking Ozzie and Irish inhouse singers putting their own spin on such classics as "Toxic" and "Sweet Child of Mine". That crushed the spirit a little. But they did play all football games and make a killer Long Island Ice Tea so.... all was forgiven. Naturally.
Then (not that we got stuck in a routine or anything) we'd gather the troops (WE HAD FRIENDS!!! IT WAS AMAZING) and go to Lotus Bar for some really godawful music but some verver cool fireshows. Except when they set fire to people. But as long as it's not you.... it's rather entertaining....

Inbetweenst our two week jaunt in the Tao, we went to Koh Phangang. We took the boat out on the 11th and got the first boat back on the 12th. Nuff said about THAT.
Apparently that's not enough said. OLIVIA. fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. So we'd planned to go for a week but HATED it, though we conceed that we did the whole thing completely wrong by going and staying right in the middle of the main town which was like underground camden market + 40 degree heat + rabid dogs + no escape. And no redeeming features. It was grim. Really, really grim. Plus livi left her pasaporte. A master stroke on her part. SO WE WENT BACK HOME!!!!

NEXT UP..... our lovely little horrible journey from Koh Tao (place of the gods) to Koh Lanta (place of the.... trolls). This little island hop involved an overnight "boat" to the mainland. We, joyously, departed on a particularly rough day (the boat the night before had sunk) which guaranteed us a particularly green 10 hours. It was commented by one of our amigos (se llama Lee) that the boat had the engine of a lawnmower and the cabin resembled a convicts ship as all the paper thin, 5 centimetre wide, bedbug infested mattresses lay one next to the other. Personal space was sacrificed severely.

But, obviously, we made it (ipods and all) and then had the small matter of another bus, bus, bus, a few more buses and a boat until we reached rainy koh lanta whenceforth we met Mike Raynor and some fellow Londoners. We stayed at a place called Emerald Bungalows and, inbetween bouts of dengue fever, went slowly but surely mad. There was no escape. And we wanted escape.
But we did manage to get ourselves some of the biggest buckets (alcamahol) known to man!!! They were biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig. We did have lots of laughs here though - three to a bed, fashiontv, AIR CON-BLOODY-DITIONING, drinking games et al. So all wasn't even remotely lost!

SO some more bus,bus,few more buses, overnight bus, taxi later we arrived back in bangkok and fell back into our old cinema-subway routine!!! Though yesterday we went with some others from the guesthouse to Khaosan road and did a very teensy bit of shopping. But then watched X-men: The Origins which was WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKED.

And now we departeth for Ozzie land and boy oh boy are we excited for a new country!!! Equally cannae believe that our time in thighland has ended and we're already half way through our trip. (we really miss school. CLC not NLC!)

Anyway, we will keep this updated more regularly (but don't hold us to it)

We shalt love you and leave you as we look forward to nights without the sweats and mornings without the shits,

Livi and Rosa

Friday, 3 April 2009

Chianging the Mai and Banging the Cock

how are you all?????
we're shvitzing. as per usual.

The story continues as we enter our final hours in the cockiest bang around.
We feel for today, a new approach to our storytelling should be tried and tested. We're thinking a Q&A session....

So, Olivia and Rosa, what did you think of Chiang Mai?

Rrrrriiiiggght..... care to elaborate.... your mothers are reading this afterall (and as they remind you so often, they brought you into this world, they can take you out....)?
Fine. It has no SOUL. Each street looks the same. Except for 'slut-street' where all the prostitutes scream and try to entice you into their brothels (apparently they're just bars.... but who calls their bar '69' and has ladies of the night splayed out across it's entrance????). Needless to say it did nothing to improve our opinions of Chiang Mai. We did find one nice bar... called THC. Which really says it all. It was on the roof and was vehery hippyish and sold buckets of orange vomity stuff which tasted like.... orange vomity stuff. we LOVED IT.
and we also loved the falafel shop.
and we ALSO loved olivia's cousin. who brought her clothes. and saved us from the awfulness of Chiang Mai.
We salute him.
BUT we did stay at quite a nice place. we had a tv and spent many an afternoon watching one shockingly awful movie that we never knew existed. (we also spent many an afternoon sleeping.)

Productive. How did you make your way to Bangkok then ladiez?
BY AN OVERNIGHT COACH with velvety seats and free doughnuts! It really wasn't half as bad as we'd prepared ourselves for. Rosa even managed to take up three seats which was nice and cozy, although drew some confused looks from the Thai army soldier (who come on at every checkpoint to look at IDs). But it did produce a sleepless night. And 3 doughnuts weren't nearly enough.

And then?
We were in Bangkok. Obviously.
Although we got very lost in Bangkok very early in the morning as we couldn't find our darned hostel. And we were very tired. And hungry. And thirsty. And generally not lookin' our best. Olive got left with the baggies up a thai alleyway whilst Rosa scowered the streets and did her best impression of Dr Mark Sloane/Inspector Tom Barnaby/Inspector Gadget and found the hostel in about an hour. Considering it was about 10 meters away..... it was fine work.

So.... Bangkok.... Hell's Kitchen??? Paradise Lost??? Wotsit like?
WELL, we were prepared to hate it. But we don't. Although last night's walk back dodging rats and cockroaches did nearly dent our spirit.
It's insane.
The roads are motorways and the shopping centers are cities. We decided to be incredibly adventurous on our first day and walked ALL THE WAY to the park. and sat down. But then we went to the shopping area via Bangkoks version of Fifth Avenue (an accident we might add) which was pretty surreal given the poverty stricken state of Thailand that we had so far experienced. Anyhoo, we spent hours traipsing/trampsing, half asleep, around miles and miles of shopping centres... gazing into the windows of Chanel and every single shop advertised in Vogue ever. We looked completely out of place. HAVE YOU SEEN OLIVIA'S LEGS?????
But we have experienced a Bangcockian cinema which are really on a different level. The size of the cinema screen was like a football pitch. Fo shizzle. And you have to stand up before the movie to watch a piece of shameless propaganda promoting the king. Don't worry. We made it obvious we weren't happy about this and sighed, crossed our arms and burped all the way through the 'orrible video montage.

What's next for you gorgeous, charming, charismatic, adventurous.... if a little sweaty.... girls?
SANGRIA! although.... neither of us are sure if we've ever had sangria.... but it seems fitting?
So... pray for us... as tonight we get an overnight train to either Champoon or Champorn... possibly Champon.... probably Chamtampon.... travelling third class, arriving at 3am tomorrow morning.
It's not like we did this on purpose.... we set out trying to get 2nd class sleeper seats on the 22.50 train.... we even decided we wanted a lower berth (whatever that is). somehow two very bemused north london girls walked out of the station with two 3rd class seats on the 19.30 train.

but it'll make for quite a story.... we hope...
we're thinking a bit of Hong Thong will assist our journey. that's whiskey. we'll let you know how it goes... IF WE LIVE TO TELL THE TALE.

So... we must go and be violated. robbed. diseased. arsoned. and generally mingle with the poor.
it's like your average day in heaven.

lots and lots of love,
Olivia and Rosa

(p.s. Lily Aaronovitch - never, EVER go to bangkok. it's the sort of place that you would find so utterly hellish you cannot even comprehend it. trust us.)
(p.p.s. Nickie Williamson, you'll LOVE IT)


that's the only thai word we know. it means annoying.
not that we ever get called that or anything....

this is just a quickie from bangcock (oh wow) to say we've put lots more photos up - remiembre -

although no noodles OR rice has been had in a WHOLE WIDE WEEK! we actually came off it too quickly and experienced some resulting toiletry issues. don't worry, we'll go into graphic detail later.

anyway bangcock is nuts (again, oh wow) SO MORE ON THAT LATER!

love you all

(especially peevish mcduff whose birthday it was yesterday. she's 9 years old!!!)